Heres to having too much of nothing on my mind

I feel like theres something more I can say or do to work something out. But its not worth it.

I just started writing something like super deep about happiness and such but then I realized how annoying it was so I deleted it. But something I would like to discuss right now. My fears. Or fear I guess. I recently took my entrance exam for my dream school, The Aveda Institute. I was literally certain that I had failed it. I am NOT a test taker. I get extreme anxiety and sometimes I have to sit back and talk myself down from almost passing out. Its bad and I feel like most people didnt know that I had such bad anxiety but I guess the one thing in life I really doubt myself on is my academics. No matter how much I study or how hard I try I still find myself looking at something and almost giving up because I just dont think I would understand or know it. So anyways. The lady came back into the room and told me that I passed and I had done so well that I didnt have to take the second portion. Thank God. So I am officially in Aveda. I couldnt be happier and I am so excited with the new life that I am starting for myself however....that is also what is causing me so much fear and anxiety. I quit college to pursue something that I have always wanted to do but never really tried before. I dont know the first thing about cutting hair or anything like that. What if I suck at cutting hair and doing make up and all that stuff. Then what? Its scary because I feel like I am taking such a risk and the one person that I ever really shared this all with isnt really in my life anymore so im just stressed and I just want to start the school like now instead of November so I can just start feeling more comfortable. I should just live at the school until I go there because everytime I walk into that building I just feel right. Its amazing. Like I honestly feel like I belong there. So everyone say your prayers and wish me luck because if I fail at this I honestly do not think I would be able to recover.

And you. All I want is for you to be happy. I want the best for you even if the best for you isnt me. But please give me the respect of wanting the same for me. Dont fool around with my feelings and do things that I know you wouldnt normally do. Your not the same anymore and I respect that, neither am I, but just be nice because you dont understand this feeling because youve never had to go through it. Just because you dont feel the same doesnt mean you can treat me the way youve been treating me. You dont want to fight? Neither do I. what makes you think I want to fight? But just step back and look at the situation. Ive had every right to get upset or bothered by the things that I have. Just be a little sensitive thats all im asking.

Monster.
How should I feel?
Creatures lie here.
Looking through the window...
That night he caged her.
Bruised and broke her.
He struggled closer.
Then he stole her.
Violet wrists and then her ankles.
Silent Pain.
Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams.

-Kim

My two idols: Annie Leibovitz (photographer) and Tina Fey