Im sippin on some sunshine

I've got my life in a suitcase,

I'm ready to run, run, run away..

I've got no time, 'cause I'm always trying to run, run, run away

'Cause everyday in here feels like it's only a game.

I've got my life in a suitcase, a suitcase, a suitcase...

I need a better outlet for writing my negative thoughts. After rereading my last post I realized, what good is it doing me for people to read my negative thoughts. This blog has gotten to the point where sometimes I only post about whats bothering me rather than whats going on in my life and what is good. The truth is I live a very simple life and thats all I really need. Lately I have been living with

out drama which makes it even better. I work very hard to be able to enjoy myself and I put a lot of effort into making sure the people closest to me are happy as well. I have some amazing family and friends. I have this one friend, sigmakappamu 4lyfe, who literally has changed my life this summer. This girl shows me the joy in the little things. She makes life fun (like instead of having the same get togethers every week, she suggests hat parties and such how creative!) she is spontanious and doesnt dwell on the bad things. Even when she is a little bit upset about something, the way she confronts people about them is

the most non argressive way possible. She is amazing and i think I speak for everyone that knows her when i say she is truly a blessing to have as a friend. ALSO. I miss my KayPeaaaaa. She is my other half. My heart and soul. It is so sad to have school starting back and not be with her. We had so many plans for this year and we both went our separate directions. Hopefully after this first semester we will be reunited again. I truly truly truly miss her. Boo and Babygirl. All I really needed......

Life is meant to be lived. I am so happy to be able to go to a school like Aveda. I did decently in high school and did well when I tried in college but since the 6th grade I have always known that I was meant to do something different. Traditional education is not for everyone and there are only so many jobs that make you stand out as a person. I do not want to work a desk job for the rest of my life. I want to go out and experience the world and pave my own path in hopes that one day when I have kids, they will see that anything is possible and happiness, not wealth, is what you should strive for. So what if I am going to beauty school. I still have so much potential to support my self and be successful and at the end of the day, I will come home and actually be happy and I will look forward to working. The Official Countdown to Aveda: 97 days!!!! Ah its so far away so I am just praying these next months go by as fast as possible.

On another note. I miss nicaragua. I miss the pure lo

ve and happiness that I felt being with all those amazing children. I want to go back.

-Kim

I never meant to block your sunshine

There is nothing better than a great weekend with good people. Friday was spent having a lovely night with my friends. Then saturday it was off to athens! I am so blessed to have such an amazing sister. I got to see her new adorable house and have a great night in with her and some friends.

Today is sort of a weird day for me. I would have been starting back school like most normal kids my age and I feel weird that I will not be going back to kennesaw. Its kind of sad because i met some great people there and had an amazing year there but I know that the decision I made to go down a different path is the best one for me. So as I anxiously await November 29th, I wish everyone a great first semester and expect visits from me!!!

I have so many things on my mind right now. I have calmed down from my insane week and I have collected my thoughts. im still crazy but i think this time ill be able to control my crazy. blah ill have more to write when my mind isnt so full and dizzy. thank you goodbye

-Kim

I've got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me

Everyone please disregard that last post. I was stressed about a certain situation that I am COMPLETELY over now. duly noted.

I have been lucky enough this summer to meet some really amazing people. Ive had to sort through a lot of haters before I could really find these people but it was so worth it. I am happier than I have been in a long time currently. There is no drama, no fights, NOTHING going on with my friends right now and its so refreshing. We all realize we are grown ups now and there is no need for all the high school/middle school drama bullshit.

Needless to say while I am so happy right now that doesnt mean that my life is perfect. I go through my hard times, a lot. But for some reason it has gotten easier to deal with them. I see the big picture now not the little hurtful details. But the one thing that is really getting to me right now is BOYS. I mean whats new. I feel like I finally have like a crush and I have not had this feeling in SO long. Like I didnt even have this feeling with certain boyfriends. This is so amazing to feel something and be excited about something but I forgot about all the anxiety and stress that comes with this new found crush. Is it acceptable for me to text? What signs are bad signs? Am I being to annoying? Should I text to see what they are up to? Or should I just scratch all of that and wait for a text from him? Its so stupid. Like I decided to just stop over analyzing all this and just be myself. I understand completely that myself is a little overbearing and too talkative sometime but I feel like eventually someone will love that trait about me. Maybe me being myself in these situations will help me find that someone sooner. I am not ashamed of being me and if the certain person right now isnt feelin it then so be it. It wasnt meant to happen. No harm no foul. AND no tears at all....boys are not worth tears cause lord knows the majority of guys dont shed tears for you!

Its officially August. I start Aveda in 3 months. Words cannot explain my excitement. Uhm and a quick story real fast. I have a light green lighter that I stuck an Aveda Sticker on. The other night me and Sarah had let someone use it then they gave it back. I know they gave it back but I dont know what I did with it after that. I later went to let someone else borrow it and it was gone! That night I was carrying my brown purse and I emptied the entire purse out onto my friend Daniels bed. My favorite lucky lighter was no where to be found. THE NEXT DAY. I decided to carry another purse and I emptied all the contents of the brown bag into a red over the shoulder bag. That night someone asked if anyone had a lighter. I dug around my bag and nonchalantly pulled out a mini lighter, my mini green Aveda lighter. Me and Sarah literally freaked out. I know that i lost that lighter the night I lent it out to people but SOMEHOW that lucky Aveda lighter made it back to me, in a different purse. crazy. fate. love.

*My New Home :-]]]]]]]]*

-Kim

Heres to a night full of The Kinks, Kooks, and Happy Dreamings.

IM GOING INSANE

my head is here.

my mind is there.

The only thing keeping me slightly sane is my music right now.

But if im not careful

Im gonna be swept away with the sweet sweet m

elodies that are carrying my thoughts elsewhere

I literally feel like a hungry animal.

The inability to obtain what I desire is making me into this creature.

Its consuming my every thought.

But.

My efforts have been defeated

And my hunger is not satisfied.

fml.

-Kim

But if the silence takes you then I hope it takes me too

At what age are we supposed to stop acting immature and take responsibility for our lives? I am so sick of being around people who feel the need to control everyone and everything just to get their ways. We are 19 almost 20 now. When does the drama stop? Lately, I have been surrounding myself with people who see the bigger picture....if that makes sense. They dont let the little things get them upset, they donthold grudges, and they definitely are not two faced or fake. I have found people that actually can survive without drama and bullshit....and i love it.

I have not been able to get one certain thing off my mind for a while now. I have to make myself not think about this thing to get anything done, even sleep. Cause if im thinking about it before i sleep, the night flies by in a blur or dreams....about this thing.....and i wake up even more depressed that the happiness i found in my dreams will most likely never be fulfilled in real life. Im reaching out for something thats out of my reach. and it sucks. and I would 100% give up anything that could get in the way of this if i was given just one shot. but its like im invisible. and i cant seem to get noticed. i freeze. i stutter. my cheeks get red and hot and its just awful. everytime i think of this thing i get happy and lose hope all at once. AND i have not been playing any games or teasing at all since i realized that none of that matters and this is all i really want.....fml

So i counted the days till Aveda, and lets just say its over 100 days away and im DYING. i want to start school so bad. Aveda is literally the only thing that can distract me from my "thing". When im not thinking about the above, im thinking about Aveda. Is it weird to be so obsessedwith a school? Like my entire life ive always liked school but ive never been excited about it but this school is just so different and so perfect for me. :]]]]]]]] now if i can only convince sarah to go with me hmmmmmm :]]]]]]

My love ms. Sarah Martin.

-Kim

A city sparkles in the night How can it glow so bright?

My friend and I decided that it would be a great idea to make a television show following our lives. The trials and tribulations of growing up but not like Laguna Beach or the Hills or anything that is obviously set up. We would set it up like the real world perhaps but just not in a controlled environment, if that makes any sense. We would be the narrators and the show would focus in on an event that is shaping that person (i.e. my going to cosmetology school, his brand new company) and it would also touch on the stories of our friends that we are closest with. I truly think that if we really sat down and figured it out, we could make it into a really great show.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, about boys and relationships and that sort of thing. It has come to my attention that boys and girls truly are not equal. Why is it that when a girl likes a guy she has to wait patiently to even just get him to start talking to her. And if she starts getting over bearing or clingy or expecting too much too soon, the guy is in no way in the wrong for gettin the hell out of the situation. He isnt expected to do anything, its like the girls feelings are not really even an item of concern to him. BUT when the tables are turned, and a girl is just playin the field and a guy gets attached to her, its like she is the biggest bitch in the world. The guy has every right to throw a tantrum and trash her to all his friends. SO why is it that? Why is it that a girl cannot treat guys the same way guys treat girls. So what? A girl kisses you or hugs on you at a party and all of a sudden she is your property? I do not think so. I am not in any way promoting girls or boys to go out and be promiscuous but if a girl flat out says, she does not want to date then you should know exactly what you are getting into if she starts flirting with you or anything like that. The girl should not be expected to owe anyone an apology (except in a certain situation i had with my best friend but its kind of different with him and i was in the wrong for that situation) but back to what i was say, guys dont apologize to every girl they "lead on" so why should I have to? Everyone just needs to grow up and see that when a girl, says something like she just really is not trying to date AT ALL, that she is not going to feel that bad when she ditches you for the next phase she goes through. As harsh as that sounds its r

eality. And anyone reading this, like i said before, none of the above relates to the situation I had with my best guy friend, it was different and it as my mistake and I took and am still taking the consequences for what I did.

Lastly, I would like to touch on one certain subject. A question about my tattoos came up on my formspring so I thought it would be a good idea to clear the air about my tattoos. I got the tattoos for me. It was my way of expressing stages in my life and no, I did not go crazy. I have always been this person, but i went to a school that made me hide who I really am but the truth is I got two of the tattoos while I was still at marist so people should have expected me to do this. And yes, I do understand that when I am old they will be all saggy and gross but guess what, so will the rest of my body so I really dont care too much. Ha. I know that when I am older and I have kids and they ask about my tattoos, I am going to be able to look back and see what each one represented and yes, although I tell people that they dont mean anything, they do. Actually every single one of them has a meaning to me but I DO prefer not to tell people because it is a personal part of my thoughts that provoked me to get each one. And one last thing about my formspring, I have gotten a lot of questions about who I am still friends with and if I still like certain people. Let me get one thing straight. I do not hate anyone. But yes, I have fallen off the Marist radar. Do i care? Not really. I got left out of a lot of things in high school and I at first was so bitter about it but I came to the realization that marist is a school of certain stereotypes and social standards and I just do not support that. I love the school but some people just have the wrong ideas about life and I chose not to surround myself with those type of people. But I mostly chose not to "hang out" with a lot of high school friends because a lot of people do not fully understand the stage I am at in my life. I have worked since the tenth grade, and some of my other friends from high school have not worked a real job a single day in their lives. They still are so dependent on their parents and that is just unreal to me. I need to surround myself with people that understand and are going through the same struggles I am going through because I do not have time for the petty arguments that sometimes come up with some old friends. They see the smallest issues as horrible problems and its like our perspectives are just 100% different. Idk I dont mean to make anyone angry but I mean, some thing are just not worth fighting over to me and I just ignore what I can because i dont need the unnecessary drama. sorry.

** i would like everyone to feast their eyes upon the world record holder for the most tattooed senior citizen. her tattoos still look pretty well kept.....sorry but maybe some people who actually take care of their bodies wont get extremely unattractive sags.**

-Kim

It sucks when you wake up happy from a dream that will most likely never come true.

No but really. Im so serious. Have you ever had a really great dream and you wake up the next morning and your smiling so hard and you just have the best feeling.....until you realize that it most likely will never come true. I had that dream last night. I woke up feeling so great, so happy, i may or may not have even had a little chuckle as i got out of bed. And then it hit me. It felt like i had run into my door or some kind of wall. I realized that this wonderful dream I had, that made me feel so happy, probably will never happen. And the thought of that makes me want this dream to come true even more!! AHH. i hate reality sometimes.

I have been so happy lately. Even though this past weekend really could have sucked, I didnt let the negatives bother me. Someone recently told me that when they are feeling down they start thinking of all the positives in their life. Even if they feel like there is nothing good, they just start naming good things in their life. The more positive thoughts you put in your head, the more positive energy you will obtain. I have a lot of good stuff going on in my life. My parents and i get along really well, I have a great career ahead of me, I know exactly what I want to do with my life; so why worry about a few little things that arent helping me achieve my goals? I guess my point is, I always care too much. I stress too much about things that do not really matter. And while some people have gotten upset with this recent finding, I just have to stop worrying about what people are gonna say about me (ya hard to believe I actually do think about what people are saying about me sometimes and yes some of the things do hurt my feelings) I cannot control other peoples actions and if they chose to hurt me, then that is on their conscience and as a believer in karma, I can only hope that they get back exactly

what they are doing to me (or did to me).

My lovely friend Kate is coming back from Africa on saturday and I look forward to lunch with her on sunday!! Please please please everyone, religious or not, pray that she has a safe trip home. I am literally so proud of this girl. And every single person she is helping in Africa, I am sure, feels so blessed because Kate is one of the most selfless people I know and she just exerts so much love and passion and I cannot even imagine how many lives she has touched. After everything she has been through, it is amazing to see how she can still reach out to others and help others even at some of her harder times. I am excited to see where she goes in life because I know she is capable of great things. Love you Kate

-Kim