As hard as this is for me to admit, most people that know me would say that I am very easy to approach and talk to but being my friend is somewhat of a challenge. I have an abrasive personality at times which is somewhat of a turn off to most people. I would like everyone to know however, that I am trying my darn hardest to embrace my more mellow side and just be a little bit warmer to those who love me. All of my friends know that I would ultimately do anything for them, even if we are going through a rough patch I will always look past that and help them. My friends mean the world to me. Me having friends means that there are actually individuals in the world that have felt the wrath of my ever changing mood and still stuck with me. Its not that I am a hateful person. The truth is, I am overly opinionated and extremely passionate with my opinions. Even when I know something may be wrong, I rationalize to the point where I make myself believe that it is right. I get angry over the littlest things and annoyed with people very easily. I speak my mind more that needed and I am nosy. I am obnoxious and loud when I am happy and even when I am extremely happy I still have a hard time outwardly expressing that. What I am trying to say is I am not perfect. But I have friends that understand that about me and accept that. That no matter what I say to them, they know its just me being me. And they know that no matter what happens, if they just come talk to me I will never get mad. When I speak my mind, I mean exactly what I say. There is never a hidden meaning. I wont argue. Its not worth it to me. I say exactly what I need to say and I stick with it unless I see that I am wrong. I will always give people time to say their piece and usually after all is said and done I am over it. What is the point of throwing away a friendship that was once so strong over an argument. But the one thing I can not stand is when I admit to doing wrong, and I change and make efforts but the other person doesnt admit to doing wrong, doesnt change at all, and just disregards everything I say because im being "mean". Whatever. No one is perfect. But at the end of the day at least there are some of us that can admit that and work on that. You are never stuck being the same person. You have the ability to change yourself. You have the power to look at your life and say wow a few people have pointed out that I have been doing this so maybe I should evaluate myself and try to change that. I know i cant please everyone but at least I can show an effort. Thats all.
I am starting a new life in one month. I made a point this summer to clear my life of all my annoyances and start making my life better. The people I am with now are the people I want to stay with me in this new life. The people that I have trusted. While some let me down, others came in and showed that they were worth keeping around. People surprise me every now and then and in the grand scheme of things I found a few amazing people that I feel more comfortable around then ever before. Its hard letting go of things when they meant so much to you but when youve been thrown out and forgotten about then whats the point. I am such a happy person right now and I dont need the strain of people bringing me down and making me feel bad about myself. I dont mean to sound vain or selfish or whatever but at the end of the day, im the one that has control over my life, my happiness, and the people I surround myself with. What the point of being sad, unhappy, or angry if I can control that. Yes. I will speak my mind to you and be honest with you no matter wha. And im sorry if people do not respect my honesty but whats worse? being lied to? or hearing the truth? I think thats a pretty easy one.....
I am a nice person. I feel like I shouldnt have to state that. And I hate that this post is mostly about me but i feel like since I am starting over. Starting fresh. I should just get all of that out there. Ya I have faults. Everyone does. I have accepted them and have started trying to better myself. Thats all I can do.
-Kim
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