Its nights like that...

ATTENTION: exactly 63 days from now I will be starting my journey to becoming a cosmetologist. As the day gets closer and closer my nerves begin to shake me more and more. After getting my hair cut at Aveda the other day, I started getting worried. What if I don't do well. What if I don't fit it. Will I make friends? Will I succeed and become the person I've dreamed of being. This past weekend my best friend and I found ourselves in the hallway of a loft in downtown Athens discussing our future and the next step in our lives. She is close to getting the credits she needs to transfer and she shares the same fears I do. Once I go to a different school... Will I make friends? It seems that no matter what school one goes to, one of the biggest concerns is whether or not friends will be made. Yes we should be concentrating on getting out of the school but if you really think about it, friends are what get you through. Friends are what make the biggest difference in your experience. If you don't have friends then school seems almost unbearable. I have faith that both her and I though will be able to find people that we get along with and make it out of school in no time. :]

This past weekend was that same friends birthday. We had a pre party on thursday night, friday night we had a girls dinner at the Wasabi House and then she and I met up with the guys and headed to the lake. We spent that night talking out on the dock mixed in with random dance sessions and singing as loud as we could. It was for sure a good night. The next day we relaxed on the boat and Daniel went tubbing for the first time and loved it :] after that we got ready and headed to athens for megs official party. It was a long night and had a few bumps in it but other than that it was so much fun. After a long weekend with amazing friends I am quiet exhausted and ready for some relaxing nights of gossip girl, glee, modern family, and of course jersey shore :]

I spend most of my time at work on the internet stalking facebook, reading random yahoo news articles, and looking through random blogs and what not. Sometimes I am puzzled by certain things I read. It seems that some people try to be too intellectual and misunderstood but it doesn't seem to flow right. I respect everyone that writes and I love reading how people write. I for one write like I talk which for some seems juvenile but its the best way I can express myself. When I read some people talking like 40 year old philosophers, I can't help but laugh a little; it just seems a bit silly that kids my age think they are so misunderstood and so insightful but in reality we are barely adults, how much insight do you really have on the world..... how misunderstood can you really be...We are the most predictable generation in my opinion. We talk, we dress, we act how trends, magazines, and media tell us to. We are all striving for a voice and diversity yet we cling to trends. You say that you are so different, you dress weird to turn heads and make statements, you write like you are so misunderstood and intellectual but you are not different cause there are thousands of others EXACLY like you. Youve gotta love Generation Me, the generation of wannabe hipsters.

-Kim

Sometimes saying nothing is best.

It is the hardest thing in the world for me to sit back and watch a friend get hurt. I promised. Saying nothing is literally impossible for me. I live to let my opinion be known even when no one wants to know it. But I promised. I love you to death. You are amazing. Dont let anyone make you feel second best. Okay. Thats all I can say. Thats all I should say. OH and one last thing. I am always here.

Remember when we were little and we would play dress up? We always wanted to be older. We envisioned ourselves as these cool adults who knew exactly what to do and say. If little Kim saw me now......would she approve of how I was living my life? Would she be happy that she grew up to be me?

This is my favorite portrait by Sally Mann. It reminds me of little kim and how every now and then its ok to return to my childhood and just dream.

-Kim

On to the Next One.

Im pissed. Cocorosie is TOMORROW and i do not have the money to purchase a ticket. Sometimes I question whether or not Aveda is worth saving all this money for. I question it for about a milla second then i slap myself for being so stupid for even thinking that. Aveda has been my dream since I can remember and I am finally getting the chance to go! Of course its worth it.

I just got back from the most amazing weekend at the lake. It was my moms birthday yesterday and let me say one thing. I can only hope and pray that I get my mom and dads aging genes cause they both look amazing for their age! I am so blessed and so thankful to have such a good relationship with both my parents. This past weekend, my dad had to go out of town for his defense force weekend so my mom and I took a road trip up to the lake. The house is on Hartwell and the area it is in is pretty secluded. The house is beautiful and so quiet and peaceful. My mom and I went up after traffic died down on friday and got there when it was dark. Because it is in a secluded area, there are not many lights or even signs of other people around. The area is soo dark and quiet and any little sound outside can send chills up your spine. Of course my mom and I being two semi defenseless females were scared out of our minds driving down the pitch black extremely LOOOOOOOOOONG driveway. No lights were on in the house and we had to figure out how to get this key out of this little box thingy. We both kept jumping at any little sound even though we had two flashlights and two lanterns. We finally made it into the house and did the ritual "house check". I, being the scaredy cat that I am, grabbed the biggest knife that i could find and followed my mom around the house as we checked all the doors and under all the beds. We finally gave the house an "OK" and unpacked our stuff and settled down in some comfy chairs. We spent the rest of the night laughing about how chicken we were and tucked in for a great night sleep. Saturday morning was spent at "Evas" the best little breakfast place where for about $3 you can get a full plate of delicious breakfast foods. After that we headed to Cha Ram park and took a quick hike then found a nice rock over looking some rapids and talked for a long time. My sister and her boyfriend met us at the house a little bit later and that night my moms best friend was able to come up and surprise my mom and we had an awesome night of canoeing and smores. After this weekend, I felt so blessed to be so close with my mom. She is an amazing person and the best friend anyone could ask for :)

So after doing that list in the last post it really made me feel better so here is the list of things on Kims mind right now:

-I wish people werent such creeps

-I wish you understood

-I wish you wouldn't change for the worse

-I wish I could see you

-I wish you would get over yourself

-I wish I could be back at the lake

-I wish it was thursday so I could be with my beautiful best friends :)

-I wish my dad would sleep in past 3:45 every morning

-I wish I hadsome pizza right now

-I wish I could just stop talking to you without you getting offended

-I wish you would leave me alone and stop being so clingy

-I wish I knew your intentions

-I wish you knew how I really felt about you

-I wish you werent such a coward

-I wish I could eat at chipotle every day of my life

-I wish people werent so lame

-I wish you loved yourself as much as I love you

-I wish it was Tuesday so I could watch Glee tonight (im so lame but its a great show)

-I wish I had new clothes

-I wish you weren't so vain and conceited

-I wish I wasn't at work

-I wish I didn't always get attacked by mosquitoes

-I wish I could get a hair cut.

THE END

-Kim

All I can think about is Mellow Mushroom and you. Too bad neither is gonna happen. Today at least

My mind has been running wild for the past few weeks. I cant just stop and take a break. Its like now that I am finally happy and accepting things as they are, all the things I dealt with poorly or didnt deal with at all are racing through my head and I cant stop thinking about them. And its not even that. The events of the past few weeks have also plagued my brain causing loss of sleep and mad headaches. as stupid as this sounds, i wish i could just remove my brain for a while and not think. I would love to have like 5 minutes of just emptiness where I wouldnt have to deal with anything or think about anything. Lists. Everybody always says that lists save their lives, lists help them out so much. So here is my little "list":

-I wish i could blink my eyes once and all thoughts of you would be gone.

-I wish for once you would understand my requests and just be a good friend to me.

-I wish you realized that I am leaving you alone so leave me alone.

-I wish you have never called me. I know it was a one time thing. You were using me for my advice. Not cause you wanted to be friends with me.

-I wish you would realize how beautiful you are and embrace your amazing self.

-I wish you weren't so far away from the one you love.

-I wish I could just skip a couple years and find you.

-I wish you would be careful with your life. You mean the world to me and sometimes you scare me.

-I wish you would live your life and stop dwelling on what could go wrong or anything like that.

-I wish you werent so full of yourself.

-I wish you would just hang out with me

-I wish you wouldn't play me like a fool. I am not an idiot. Dont effing lie to my face.

-I wish halloween costumes werent so expensive.

-I wish i was eating Mellow Mushroom right now.

-I wish i was outside instead of in this office.

-I wish it would be friday so I could be at the lake with my mom.

-I wish you would start doing something with your life.

-I wish you would put a shirt on. your not that hot.

-I wish I wish with all my heart to fly with dragons in a land apart.

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-Kim

Rock Me Mama Like a Wagon Wheel

I literally have nothing to say.

Ive been putting off posting something for like a good week now. It dawned on me that I have really only written about my problems and the stupid drama that has been in my life. But for the past few weeks there has been no drama in my life. There has been no fights. No anxiety. No stress. I dont feel like I have to walk on egg shells around people. I feel like now more than ever, since I have just been me and no one else, I havent had to deal with problems. Because to be honest if you come to me with drama, if you have drama with me, im probably not gonna care enough to fight you.

I felt entirely too lame driving into work today. Im a self proclaimed weirdo. I do and say things off beat. But today I think i hit anall time lame when I finally realized something. I drive by North Springs High School everyday on my way to work. There are usually a few kids walking to school on the sidewalk closest to me and they usually look a lot cooler than me. Of course me being the lame ass that I am, I think Im pretty cool goin to work, drivin my car, listening to loud music. So for some reason, I always turn on like really ghetto rap music when I drive by these kids. I put on my ray bans and kind of lean my seat back a little. I realized how lame I was today when I was scrabbling to put in my current "lookin cool drive by song"-Women Lie, Men Lie. As I finally popped the music in and put the shades on I realized that a bus full of high schoolers was staring at me the entire time I was doing this. My windows were down so they were most likely confused as to why i went from blasting some depressing Taylor Swift to attempting to be gangsta with some yo gotti....The light turned green and I drove away promptly changing it back to my normal morning ritual of depressing songs to really pep me up before 9 hours of sitting on my computer in a freezing cold office. YAY for full time jobs!!!

So staying true to my weird behavior, I am currently blasting A Day to Remembers "1958" in my office which is probably another type of music that doesnt quite fit my "look". Whatever though nothing I do or say really fits my look. I gave up trying to fit my look a long time ago. I would prefer to be free rather than tied down to silly genres of style that will mean nothing to me 10 years from now. just saying.

And to you and you. Good luck this next year. You will do great things and great things WILL happen for you. Dont give up on whats going on. Youve been a fighter since I met you years ago and I know that part of you hasnt changed. GOOD LUCK!!! and to YOU. I sometimes wish i could delete you. from everything. my phone. my facebook. my memory. my life. truth is i came to a realize not to long ago that i dont care. its sad. but true. SORRY!

LOVE. my beautiful best friends

-Kim