Listen. and. Repeat.

Do you ever feel like your standing still and everything else around you is going so fast. I feel so stuck right now. There are so many things I wish I could say to certain people but I just can not find the energy to say them.....because some of the comments are mean but true. I wish people could see for themselves how other people see them. I wish I could see how other people see me. But then again, I really do not care how other people see me. I know people think I am "bitchy" at times or according to my formspring "hypocritical" but at the end of the day I am myself. Can the people calling me all these things say the same? Why waste your breath, time, and energy trying to make me be something I am not. If you think I am a bitch then move on. I mean go ahead talk to me about it but if its something that you constantly are annoyed with then trust me, I am not holding you back...just move on. And speaking of moving on. I feel that I have. Not just frommy most recent thing but from the original thing. Since the very first heartbreak, I have kept my guard up. Being hurt is my biggest fear and when I trust someone enough to let them into my heart, I feel betrayed and lied to when they move on from me. But ever since I got this message from someone its like I finally realized, I am ok. I will be ok. The lucky thing about a broken heart is that when it is healed, it is so much stronger. So I am thankful to all you guys that broke my heart because when I do find that one person that makes mehappier than ever, I will be able to share my whole, strong, loving heart with them. And that makes me happy.

I do not know what to do. I feel like I am chasing something I have chased many times before and it has always ended poorly. I wish just this once it would work and all my hard work and efforts would pay off. I know if I got this, it wouldn't just cure all my problems but I do believe it would save me time from stressing and worrying and being sad. Its the idea of wanting something that I cant have....but not really. Because I could have this thing its just never been brought up or talked about. AND it also plays on some of my biggest fears. Things seem positive now...but then again thats ho

w its always been. Good at times, stupid and time consuming at times. I wish that I could just make my desire for it just go away and I could move on with my life but I know me and I know that when I want something so bad I obsess until it is mine. BLAH.

All I can dream about lately is Aveda. All of my thoughts, when I am not obsessing over the above, are Aveda. My life is about to start and I am just beaming with excitement. I honestly can not put into words how excited I am. I was reading one of my old journals just recently, from about 6th grade, and in it I talk about how I wanted to do hair and/or make up one day AND I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT!!!!! My love for cosmetology roots from my love for helping people. I have grown up aroun

d so many people friends especially that are just unhappy with their lives and insecure. I want to be able to not only make them look beautiful but help them feel beautiful. Every single person in the world has beauty and I want to be able to bring out that beauty and show them that no matter what flaw they feel they h

ave, they are still beautiful. When you look great you feel great as well. Have you ever gotten a hair cut and just sat in the mirror looking at this new you. I feel like its the most amazing feeling getting a new look (hair make up etc.) You feel alive and unstoppable. Its such a rush to walk out the doors of a salon feeling like your beautiful and no matter what anyone says, you just got a great new look and no one can bring you down. AHHHH its just amazing. I could go on for days about it. But I will spare you

and stop there.

Its over. And I am glad. My life makes sense now. I do not have to worry anymore about a life that is not strong or happy. I am an adult. Even if you haven't found yourself at this point in your life, you should at least be on your way. And you are not. Hopefully things go well. Hopefully you find yourself. Hopefully we can sit down one day and talk like normal people.

Hopefully.

-Kim

I dedicate this post to you. Because no matter what. Through thick and thin, we will always have eachother. <3