A city sparkles in the night How can it glow so bright?

My friend and I decided that it would be a great idea to make a television show following our lives. The trials and tribulations of growing up but not like Laguna Beach or the Hills or anything that is obviously set up. We would set it up like the real world perhaps but just not in a controlled environment, if that makes any sense. We would be the narrators and the show would focus in on an event that is shaping that person (i.e. my going to cosmetology school, his brand new company) and it would also touch on the stories of our friends that we are closest with. I truly think that if we really sat down and figured it out, we could make it into a really great show.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, about boys and relationships and that sort of thing. It has come to my attention that boys and girls truly are not equal. Why is it that when a girl likes a guy she has to wait patiently to even just get him to start talking to her. And if she starts getting over bearing or clingy or expecting too much too soon, the guy is in no way in the wrong for gettin the hell out of the situation. He isnt expected to do anything, its like the girls feelings are not really even an item of concern to him. BUT when the tables are turned, and a girl is just playin the field and a guy gets attached to her, its like she is the biggest bitch in the world. The guy has every right to throw a tantrum and trash her to all his friends. SO why is it that? Why is it that a girl cannot treat guys the same way guys treat girls. So what? A girl kisses you or hugs on you at a party and all of a sudden she is your property? I do not think so. I am not in any way promoting girls or boys to go out and be promiscuous but if a girl flat out says, she does not want to date then you should know exactly what you are getting into if she starts flirting with you or anything like that. The girl should not be expected to owe anyone an apology (except in a certain situation i had with my best friend but its kind of different with him and i was in the wrong for that situation) but back to what i was say, guys dont apologize to every girl they "lead on" so why should I have to? Everyone just needs to grow up and see that when a girl, says something like she just really is not trying to date AT ALL, that she is not going to feel that bad when she ditches you for the next phase she goes through. As harsh as that sounds its r

eality. And anyone reading this, like i said before, none of the above relates to the situation I had with my best guy friend, it was different and it as my mistake and I took and am still taking the consequences for what I did.

Lastly, I would like to touch on one certain subject. A question about my tattoos came up on my formspring so I thought it would be a good idea to clear the air about my tattoos. I got the tattoos for me. It was my way of expressing stages in my life and no, I did not go crazy. I have always been this person, but i went to a school that made me hide who I really am but the truth is I got two of the tattoos while I was still at marist so people should have expected me to do this. And yes, I do understand that when I am old they will be all saggy and gross but guess what, so will the rest of my body so I really dont care too much. Ha. I know that when I am older and I have kids and they ask about my tattoos, I am going to be able to look back and see what each one represented and yes, although I tell people that they dont mean anything, they do. Actually every single one of them has a meaning to me but I DO prefer not to tell people because it is a personal part of my thoughts that provoked me to get each one. And one last thing about my formspring, I have gotten a lot of questions about who I am still friends with and if I still like certain people. Let me get one thing straight. I do not hate anyone. But yes, I have fallen off the Marist radar. Do i care? Not really. I got left out of a lot of things in high school and I at first was so bitter about it but I came to the realization that marist is a school of certain stereotypes and social standards and I just do not support that. I love the school but some people just have the wrong ideas about life and I chose not to surround myself with those type of people. But I mostly chose not to "hang out" with a lot of high school friends because a lot of people do not fully understand the stage I am at in my life. I have worked since the tenth grade, and some of my other friends from high school have not worked a real job a single day in their lives. They still are so dependent on their parents and that is just unreal to me. I need to surround myself with people that understand and are going through the same struggles I am going through because I do not have time for the petty arguments that sometimes come up with some old friends. They see the smallest issues as horrible problems and its like our perspectives are just 100% different. Idk I dont mean to make anyone angry but I mean, some thing are just not worth fighting over to me and I just ignore what I can because i dont need the unnecessary drama. sorry.

** i would like everyone to feast their eyes upon the world record holder for the most tattooed senior citizen. her tattoos still look pretty well kept.....sorry but maybe some people who actually take care of their bodies wont get extremely unattractive sags.**

-Kim

It sucks when you wake up happy from a dream that will most likely never come true.

No but really. Im so serious. Have you ever had a really great dream and you wake up the next morning and your smiling so hard and you just have the best feeling.....until you realize that it most likely will never come true. I had that dream last night. I woke up feeling so great, so happy, i may or may not have even had a little chuckle as i got out of bed. And then it hit me. It felt like i had run into my door or some kind of wall. I realized that this wonderful dream I had, that made me feel so happy, probably will never happen. And the thought of that makes me want this dream to come true even more!! AHH. i hate reality sometimes.

I have been so happy lately. Even though this past weekend really could have sucked, I didnt let the negatives bother me. Someone recently told me that when they are feeling down they start thinking of all the positives in their life. Even if they feel like there is nothing good, they just start naming good things in their life. The more positive thoughts you put in your head, the more positive energy you will obtain. I have a lot of good stuff going on in my life. My parents and i get along really well, I have a great career ahead of me, I know exactly what I want to do with my life; so why worry about a few little things that arent helping me achieve my goals? I guess my point is, I always care too much. I stress too much about things that do not really matter. And while some people have gotten upset with this recent finding, I just have to stop worrying about what people are gonna say about me (ya hard to believe I actually do think about what people are saying about me sometimes and yes some of the things do hurt my feelings) I cannot control other peoples actions and if they chose to hurt me, then that is on their conscience and as a believer in karma, I can only hope that they get back exactly

what they are doing to me (or did to me).

My lovely friend Kate is coming back from Africa on saturday and I look forward to lunch with her on sunday!! Please please please everyone, religious or not, pray that she has a safe trip home. I am literally so proud of this girl. And every single person she is helping in Africa, I am sure, feels so blessed because Kate is one of the most selfless people I know and she just exerts so much love and passion and I cannot even imagine how many lives she has touched. After everything she has been through, it is amazing to see how she can still reach out to others and help others even at some of her harder times. I am excited to see where she goes in life because I know she is capable of great things. Love you Kate

-Kim

You may say that I'm a dreamer, But I'm not the only one

I have nothing on my mind.

There is no point in this blog post.

But i felt like typing something.

So sorry for wasting your time.

People confuse me.

I am so tired.

I had an awkward encounter last night.

I am dreading a certain something.

I want another tattoo.

I want chipotle.

I want to be able to tell people off without sounding bitchy.

I want to start school now.

I almost just fell asleep at work.

I am going to make some dank asssss tea.

I feel like something is not right.

Very few people aka one. Knows who i secretly adore.

WAKE ME UP!!!!!

-Kim

Listen. and. Repeat.

Do you ever feel like your standing still and everything else around you is going so fast. I feel so stuck right now. There are so many things I wish I could say to certain people but I just can not find the energy to say them.....because some of the comments are mean but true. I wish people could see for themselves how other people see them. I wish I could see how other people see me. But then again, I really do not care how other people see me. I know people think I am "bitchy" at times or according to my formspring "hypocritical" but at the end of the day I am myself. Can the people calling me all these things say the same? Why waste your breath, time, and energy trying to make me be something I am not. If you think I am a bitch then move on. I mean go ahead talk to me about it but if its something that you constantly are annoyed with then trust me, I am not holding you back...just move on. And speaking of moving on. I feel that I have. Not just frommy most recent thing but from the original thing. Since the very first heartbreak, I have kept my guard up. Being hurt is my biggest fear and when I trust someone enough to let them into my heart, I feel betrayed and lied to when they move on from me. But ever since I got this message from someone its like I finally realized, I am ok. I will be ok. The lucky thing about a broken heart is that when it is healed, it is so much stronger. So I am thankful to all you guys that broke my heart because when I do find that one person that makes mehappier than ever, I will be able to share my whole, strong, loving heart with them. And that makes me happy.

I do not know what to do. I feel like I am chasing something I have chased many times before and it has always ended poorly. I wish just this once it would work and all my hard work and efforts would pay off. I know if I got this, it wouldn't just cure all my problems but I do believe it would save me time from stressing and worrying and being sad. Its the idea of wanting something that I cant have....but not really. Because I could have this thing its just never been brought up or talked about. AND it also plays on some of my biggest fears. Things seem positive now...but then again thats ho

w its always been. Good at times, stupid and time consuming at times. I wish that I could just make my desire for it just go away and I could move on with my life but I know me and I know that when I want something so bad I obsess until it is mine. BLAH.

All I can dream about lately is Aveda. All of my thoughts, when I am not obsessing over the above, are Aveda. My life is about to start and I am just beaming with excitement. I honestly can not put into words how excited I am. I was reading one of my old journals just recently, from about 6th grade, and in it I talk about how I wanted to do hair and/or make up one day AND I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT!!!!! My love for cosmetology roots from my love for helping people. I have grown up aroun

d so many people friends especially that are just unhappy with their lives and insecure. I want to be able to not only make them look beautiful but help them feel beautiful. Every single person in the world has beauty and I want to be able to bring out that beauty and show them that no matter what flaw they feel they h

ave, they are still beautiful. When you look great you feel great as well. Have you ever gotten a hair cut and just sat in the mirror looking at this new you. I feel like its the most amazing feeling getting a new look (hair make up etc.) You feel alive and unstoppable. Its such a rush to walk out the doors of a salon feeling like your beautiful and no matter what anyone says, you just got a great new look and no one can bring you down. AHHHH its just amazing. I could go on for days about it. But I will spare you

and stop there.

Its over. And I am glad. My life makes sense now. I do not have to worry anymore about a life that is not strong or happy. I am an adult. Even if you haven't found yourself at this point in your life, you should at least be on your way. And you are not. Hopefully things go well. Hopefully you find yourself. Hopefully we can sit down one day and talk like normal people.

Hopefully.

-Kim

I dedicate this post to you. Because no matter what. Through thick and thin, we will always have eachother. <3

Never have I ever.

Never have I ever wanted to be at work less.

Never have I ever been so disappointed in someone.

Never have I ever felt so used by someone that should have loved me.

Never have I ever been more tired.

Never have I ever been so surprised by how much good can be in peoples hearts.

Never have I ever wanted some candy more.

Never have I ever wanted to watch glee so bad.

Never have I ever wanted you back.

Grow up.

There are some amazing people out there in the world. With each new day, I get a new little surprise from someone different showing their true character. I got a message from the most unlikely person last night and it gave me hope that through all the bullshit and drama, there are still good people out there in the world. I am scared though. It seems like my best friend is going down a very destructive path and it really worries me. He seems to be drifting further and further away from his goals and it is so hard to watch. I wish he would just see that I do care about him so much no matter what and I am here for him.

So as stupid as this sounds I have been addicted to a couple very weird shows lately: Laguna Beach (oldie but goodie), the hills (obvi), Gossip Girl (xoxo), pretty little liars (dumb but good), and GLEE (AMAZING). I really do have a life I swear but I work close to 45 hours a week in a boring office building so Hulu and other online tv show sites have become my best friends. I realized that all these shows have something in common which is the one thing that draws me to them. They all go through some sort of high school/college drama which is so addicting to watch. I myself hate drama but I always find myself in it. I dont like fighting with people because I have a hard time fully trying to say what I want to say and I have a hard time filtering what is on my mind vs. what I should say so when I do have drama with people I tend to get almost....bitchy. Watching these shows makes me dream about my life as a reality star and what a show about my life would be like. I mean I am def not a heart throb like Kristen Cavalari or Lauren Conrad, and I am not an amazing singer like Rachel from Glee but I feel like I have a lot to say about a lot of things and on good days, my friends and I have some pretty fun/funny times/moments. I am honestly pondering a tv show I could start...that would be so fun I think.

I have always had some sort of an anger problem. But lately my anger is almost overpowering my life. I feel the urge to punch anyone that irks me in the face and I dont know how guilty I would truly feel. Take for example the other day. My sister used my computer without asking. Small thing I know, but EVERY single time she comes home I politely ask her to ASK ME before she uses my computer. This this she came home she didnt ask and I got so mad I told her that next time she used it without asking I would rip her face off and sew it to mine and go do terrible things.....I think my mom was pretty worried.

Anywho. todays a good day. I cant really keep my eyes open but I am trying SUPER hard. ohkaaaybuhhheyeeee

-Kim

Awake these people up and show them they keep dreamin' Breathe, Stretch, Shake, Let it Go

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

-Marilyn Monroe

I think that the above quote is the best evidence as to why I love Marilyn Monroe so much. She was so real and so open and most importantly she was so comfortable being who she was even in a time that didnt accept many of the things she said or did. I freaking love this woman. AND contrary to any ones beliefs (some question on my formspring) I DO NOT think I look like her and I am not trying to be her at all. She is just one of my idols and I look up to her. The END.

So. I have an anger problem. I need to take up kick boxing or something because I am at work and I was almost just in tears because I was just so annoyed with this man that works here. And the littlest things bother me too. Like for example what got me annoyed this morning was my boss brought in donuts for the office and they are sitting on the ledge above my desk. These two men that work here came in and just started shoveling the donuts into their mouths and talking and stuff and it BOTHERED me so much I had to excuse myself and walk down to my moms office and pace the floor (i threw some punches and jabs into the pacing as well just to cool off lol) and just little things make me SO angry sometimes so I decided to make a list of the things that have really made me angry lately:
-talking with food in mouth (dont do it, its disgusting and the sound of the food and someone talking is just gross)
-When people scratch their backs on their doors (dont ask, someone at work does it and i want to scream every time they do it)-When people dont act their age (young and old people)
-When people do not take responsibility for their actions and then complain about how much their lives suck (this is not meant to be a stab at any one person just a generalization)
-Telling people something probably a million times yet they arent able to get it through their thick skulls
-My DKNY Be Delicious perfume. The smell is too strong and it makes me ralf.
-When people are always complaining about little problems that are literally the stupidest things in the world
-When people do not take me seriously
-When people think to far into things I do or say to them and put words into my mouth that I never said (once again this is not a stab at any one person its just a generalization)
-The fact that I promised my parents I wouldnt get another tattoo but I am DYING to get one last one on my rib cage
-The fact that I have been working since I was in tenth grade and some of my friends have never worked a day in their lives (like at a real job. but then they complain about the little bit of work a parent asks them to do or if they have to volunteer or work at a little one or two week thing)
-When people spring something on me last minute and then get mad when I have to say no because I have other plans or I am at work. (i.e. a friend let me borrow something and two days ago asked if she could have it back. i of course was like ya ill try to get it to you. well friend wanted it right then but I couldnt get it to them cause i was at work. I told them that I would try to work something out but because I was so busy between that time and the time they needed it, it may not happen. It ended up that I was unable to get this friend their object back and they called me while I was at work and was like well what am i supposed to do. and honestly i really wanted to just be like uhm live without it for a couple days. YOU HAVE A MILLION OTHER ONES SO DEAL WITH IT. if you wanted it back so badly then you should have asked for it back the day after or even the day i used it. youll get it freaking back but dont call me at work and question why i cant get it back to you at that second. I HAVE A JOB. and no you cant go into my house when no one is there just to get this one little thing. ok? thanks)

ANYWHO. sorry about that last one. I just do not understand people sometimes. Certain things can be lived without and to try and make me feel bad about something that was completely in someone elses control is just stupid. BUT regardless of all of the above, I am sooo happy right now. Its thursday and the next few days are going to be so great! The quarter finals for the world cup are on tomorrow and saturday and the peachtree road race is sunday (im not running but i would love to go watch!! any one want to go with me?) and the fourth is sunday as well and hopefully the crew will be able to find something fun to do!!! Next weekend I am hopefully going to Aveda to pay for my kit so i am SOOO excited about that.
HAHAHAHAHA gotta love the crew

-Kim