Its weird. Almost nerve racking to write a letter like so. Its like you have so much to say and so many feelings youve never expressed. You worry what if you accidentally lose it or someone else reads it. But once your done with this letter, its like your free. Youve finally said it all. There is nothing youve hid, nothing youve held back from saying, nothing youve twisted to sound nicer or happier. You were finally you for once. You were finally able to speak what your heads been feeling but your hearts been hiding. It took me around three days to write. Its like the more I wrote about the more inspired I got. I wasnt scared of hurting his feelings or losing him for good. I just wrote the truth, as I saw it, and I have never felt better.
My mom a couple of days ago gave me this article entitled "31 Things I WIsh I'd Known about Dating When I was 21" now obviously I am not 21 but the things that this girl wrote were so true and so stinging. It was like she was writing a letter like mine but she wasn't trying to hurt any one guys feelings she was trying to warn all the other girls out there from making the same mistakes shes made or worse us making the same mistakes over and over again. I came across one quote that really stuck out to me "It's okay to say no. Its more than okay. It's always okay. If he stops calling (and many many many will) your only weeding out the guys who aren't truly interested in you as a person. Time saved!". This quote popped off the pages when I saw it. If only I had been able to say no every now and then, maybe I wouldnt feel the way I do now. I guess, and im sure many girls feel like this, when I say no to someone I feel like I am stubborn or demanding or mean. And while I am stubborn, I would not consider myself demanding or mean. I def had my mean moments in life but get to know me, youll be surprised.
Im seeing him soon. Its gonna be weird. Hes different. He seems different at least. Maybe thats a good thing though. Maybe I needed him to change so that I could feel the same about him that he does about me. From the months of Jan-May, I was not myself, so I guess I have changed recently too. Ive changed back to my normal self. Fun loving kim. I live for adventure and excitement and nights that my friends and I can talk about forever. The other night we went to a good friend of mines house and chilled for a while then went on a pretty extreme mission :^) to be on the safe side I wont mention what that mission was but I will say, it definately went down in the books as a great night that wont be forgotten.
There have been a lot of people that I have gotten rid of in my life lately. I dont feel as confused or upset all the time now. The one thing that does upset me is the change that has occured in someone. This certain someone has just become mean. like plain mean. Do not tell me you want one thing then two days later get mad at me for doing exactly what you said you wanted. WHAT DO YOU WANT!? Ive tried to figure it out for months now. But honestly now, I dont think even you know what you want. Figure yourself out. You know im always here for you but you reject my friendship you reject my support and mostly you reject me. I would like to say I wont be here for you forever but the truth is youve had a big impact on me and you were an important part of my life. While its obvious you can do so, I cant just discard you and treat you the way youve been treating me. Its just not nice.
I would send the letter, I honestly would. I am not afraid anymore. But the thing is, why? There have been so many times that I try to get my feelings out and I have been hurt. Why should I feel upset or bad after finally being able to say everything I wanted to say. So I think Ill just tuck it away, in a safe spot and hope to never have to write another one of those dang letters again!
-Kim
I wanna be in Nicaragua again.Life was simple.
All you had to do was give a child a little love and you would have no idea the amount of love they would give back.
I wanna go back.
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