Helloooo World Tis A New Day.

As hard as this is for me to admit, most people that know me would say that I am very easy to approach and talk to but being my friend is somewhat of a challenge. I have an abrasive personality at times which is somewhat of a turn off to most people. I would like everyone to know however, that I am trying my darn hardest to embrace my more mellow side and just be a little bit warmer to those who love me. All of my friends know that I would ultimately do anything for them, even if we are going through a rough patch I will always look past that and help them. My friends mean the world to me. Me having friends means that there are actually individuals in the world that have felt the wrath of my ever changing mood and still stuck with me. Its not that I am a hateful person. The truth is, I am overly opinionated and extremely passionate with my opinions. Even when I know something may be wrong, I rationalize to the point where I make myself believe that it is right. I get angry over the littlest things and annoyed with people very easily. I speak my mind more that needed and I am nosy. I am obnoxious and loud when I am happy and even when I am extremely happy I still have a hard time outwardly expressing that. What I am trying to say is I am not perfect. But I have friends that understand that about me and accept that. That no matter what I say to them, they know its just me being me. And they know that no matter what happens, if they just come talk to me I will never get mad. When I speak my mind, I mean exactly what I say. There is never a hidden meaning. I wont argue. Its not worth it to me. I say exactly what I need to say and I stick with it unless I see that I am wrong. I will always give people time to say their piece and usually after all is said and done I am over it. What is the point of throwing away a friendship that was once so strong over an argument. But the one thing I can not stand is when I admit to doing wrong, and I change and make efforts but the other person doesnt admit to doing wrong, doesnt change at all, and just disregards everything I say because im being "mean". Whatever. No one is perfect. But at the end of the day at least there are some of us that can admit that and work on that. You are never stuck being the same person. You have the ability to change yourself. You have the power to look at your life and say wow a few people have pointed out that I have been doing this so maybe I should evaluate myself and try to change that. I know i cant please everyone but at least I can show an effort. Thats all.

I am starting a new life in one month. I made a point this summer to clear my life of all my annoyances and start making my life better. The people I am with now are the people I want to stay with me in this new life. The people that I have trusted. While some let me down, others came in and showed that they were worth keeping around. People surprise me every now and then and in the grand scheme of things I found a few amazing people that I feel more comfortable around then ever before. Its hard letting go of things when they meant so much to you but when youve been thrown out and forgotten about then whats the point. I am such a happy person right now and I dont need the strain of people bringing me down and making me feel bad about myself. I dont mean to sound vain or selfish or whatever but at the end of the day, im the one that has control over my life, my happiness, and the people I surround myself with. What the point of being sad, unhappy, or angry if I can control that. Yes. I will speak my mind to you and be honest with you no matter wha. And im sorry if people do not respect my honesty but whats worse? being lied to? or hearing the truth? I think thats a pretty easy one.....

I am a nice person. I feel like I shouldnt have to state that. And I hate that this post is mostly about me but i feel like since I am starting over. Starting fresh. I should just get all of that out there. Ya I have faults. Everyone does. I have accepted them and have started trying to better myself. Thats all I can do.

-Kim

I hate it when Sweaters shed all over black dresses.

I think im grey. Im wearing a grey sweater and my skin is oddly similar to the color of the sweater. I like to say my skin color is not pale but "alabaster" it sounds classier. Ive grown to embrace my pale skin but there is still once thing that I cant stand about being a pale kid. Pictures with tan people. Whenever I take pictures with tan people, which is like all the time, i stick out like a sore thumb. And sometimes theres this like little blur around me when its dark and the flash is on. Its quiet annoying but im slowly learning to love the pale kid blur as well.

My job consists of answering phones "good morning/afternoon *insert company*......one second let me transfer you" so one can assume that 9 hours of this daily is quiet boring. I spend my days on facebook stalking random people (creeeeepy) staring aimlessly at walls and looking at trees outside. The cool thing about looking outside is lately Ive been able to watch the tree turn from a bright green to a beautiful orangey redish color. It makes me happy. The color change is a reminder that a) my school starts soon. b) my favorite holidays are coming up (halloween, thanksgiving, christmas, and of course my birday) and c) I can finally wear my beloved tights and I can dress like a fool and no one will care coz i can blame it on "cold weather" yesssssss.

Whenever I feel stressed or whenever I have something really on my mind i peel my cuticles off. And if anyone has tried to do this one will know that cuticles dont just come off clean and easy. Its a really painful process and i usually end up with about 3 bandaids on. So i sit here typing, looking at my mangled cuticles wondering whats on my mind. Im not unhappy, im actually happier than ive been in a while, im not stressed out coz ive finally rid myself of stressful things, and i feel like i always say whats on my mind so theres really not much on it sitting there dwelling..... i need to get to the root of this current cuticle peeling coz if i dont.....im gonna have to break out the bandaids and ive gone through about 10 of those in the past 2 weeks. damn it.

-Kim

They say time heals everything But I'm still waiting

I thought it was good.

Everything happens for a reason.

I see your true colors.

Stand up for me for once.

We arent perfect.

I know your hurting.

Your not the only one.

Were all busy.

I dont know.

But i do.

You have time.

Believe me.

Ive been busy.

I am busy.

Youve changed.

I know Im stubborn.

But you. Of All people.

Know that ill listen.

That I will compromise.

But i cant do that.

If your not willing to change.

We had something good.

Ya I messed up.

But i tried to make it better.

You got lost somewhere.

I tried to find you.

I tried to help you.

We can talk about old times as much as we want.

But its not gonna change.

The past is bitter sweet.

Our present is nothing.

Our future looks bleak.

Im not asking you to pick among us.

Im asking for a friend.

It seems you cant even do that anymore.

I will always be there.

But it gets harder and harder.

Each day makes me care less and less.

What happened to that.

All I really needed?

I guess not.

kaybyeeee.

*this is not a poem. its just my thoughts. my one line thoughts. this is how my mind talks to me. this is how i wish i could talk in real life. sometimes it doesnt make sense. but those who know me understand me. will understand this. its hard to stay strong when you feel so bad about something but whats worse? holding onto something thats just not there anymore? or just letting go and keeping it as just a memory....an experience...we'll see.*

-Kim

your right.

-Yep

your right. everything ive said is true. and when you can finally admit that you have not been there for me at all when ive most needed you, then maybe things can be ok. maybe when you start making time in your life then maybe things can be ok. im not mad dont get me wrong. im just over it. you make time in your life for everyone around you but not me...so does that mean that because im not around you i dont count. ive tried. believe me ive tried to reach out but your not there. and even when you are i know your hearts not in it. i dont want to talk about it unless you can see where im coming from. dont get defensive. im not attacking you but your not perfect. i know im not. but you have to see. you dropped me, you put other people before me when i was hurting, you abandoned me. so im over it. sorry.

-Kim

All around and away we go

I had the craziest dream last night... Me and all my friends were at this concert and we were obsessing over the lead singer (obviously) and so we snuck backstage and tried to get his autograph and when we did the room turned into this neighborhood and he said that he was gonna shoot off this crossbow at us and the last one alive he was gonna marry.... so we all started running; needless to say this WAS a scary dream for me; so anyways I ran into this house, or at least tried to, and it was locked. So he cornered me and we had a conversation about why he was trying to kill us and he was like if i have obsessive and crazy fans shouldnt i be allowed to be obsessive and crazy? it was weird. well anyways the door behind me opened and i ran in and locked the door and he laid his crossbow down outside the door and walked off down the street. The people that opened the door asked me what was going on and eventually took me home. It was weird and I cant stop thinking about it....which means I am obviously listening to the singer right now as I type.

53 days till Aveda. Till I start my new life. At the Devendra Banhart concert on monday night, I met this girl that had gone to Aveda. I overheard her talking to her friends about going into work the next morning and how many clients she had on tuesday so I asked her if she went to hair school. She said ya why and I was telling her how I was about to start the Aveda Institute and she got so excited for me. She was giving me all this amazing advice and telling me about different salons that were good and how she thought I would have no problem at the school. It was so great talking to her. It eased my nerves a little about starting this brand new thing in my life and I am confident that I will do well.

I need new clothes. I want a new tattoo. So I think its about time to start making sacrifices and saving my money for a few weeks so that I can get my boootyful new tattoo and then hit up a bunch of vonderful thrift stores. Sounds like a plan. :]

I have a lot on my mind. I cant really think right now. Or actually I cant really put into words what I am thinking right now. My hair looks hella messy right now. My eye liner is smudging all over my eyes. My makeup looks like I put it on in the dark. Needless to say ive had a great morning......not

im too tired to find a picture or really anything else to go on this worthless post. love you bye

-Kim

Its nights like that...

ATTENTION: exactly 63 days from now I will be starting my journey to becoming a cosmetologist. As the day gets closer and closer my nerves begin to shake me more and more. After getting my hair cut at Aveda the other day, I started getting worried. What if I don't do well. What if I don't fit it. Will I make friends? Will I succeed and become the person I've dreamed of being. This past weekend my best friend and I found ourselves in the hallway of a loft in downtown Athens discussing our future and the next step in our lives. She is close to getting the credits she needs to transfer and she shares the same fears I do. Once I go to a different school... Will I make friends? It seems that no matter what school one goes to, one of the biggest concerns is whether or not friends will be made. Yes we should be concentrating on getting out of the school but if you really think about it, friends are what get you through. Friends are what make the biggest difference in your experience. If you don't have friends then school seems almost unbearable. I have faith that both her and I though will be able to find people that we get along with and make it out of school in no time. :]

This past weekend was that same friends birthday. We had a pre party on thursday night, friday night we had a girls dinner at the Wasabi House and then she and I met up with the guys and headed to the lake. We spent that night talking out on the dock mixed in with random dance sessions and singing as loud as we could. It was for sure a good night. The next day we relaxed on the boat and Daniel went tubbing for the first time and loved it :] after that we got ready and headed to athens for megs official party. It was a long night and had a few bumps in it but other than that it was so much fun. After a long weekend with amazing friends I am quiet exhausted and ready for some relaxing nights of gossip girl, glee, modern family, and of course jersey shore :]

I spend most of my time at work on the internet stalking facebook, reading random yahoo news articles, and looking through random blogs and what not. Sometimes I am puzzled by certain things I read. It seems that some people try to be too intellectual and misunderstood but it doesn't seem to flow right. I respect everyone that writes and I love reading how people write. I for one write like I talk which for some seems juvenile but its the best way I can express myself. When I read some people talking like 40 year old philosophers, I can't help but laugh a little; it just seems a bit silly that kids my age think they are so misunderstood and so insightful but in reality we are barely adults, how much insight do you really have on the world..... how misunderstood can you really be...We are the most predictable generation in my opinion. We talk, we dress, we act how trends, magazines, and media tell us to. We are all striving for a voice and diversity yet we cling to trends. You say that you are so different, you dress weird to turn heads and make statements, you write like you are so misunderstood and intellectual but you are not different cause there are thousands of others EXACLY like you. Youve gotta love Generation Me, the generation of wannabe hipsters.

-Kim

Sometimes saying nothing is best.

It is the hardest thing in the world for me to sit back and watch a friend get hurt. I promised. Saying nothing is literally impossible for me. I live to let my opinion be known even when no one wants to know it. But I promised. I love you to death. You are amazing. Dont let anyone make you feel second best. Okay. Thats all I can say. Thats all I should say. OH and one last thing. I am always here.

Remember when we were little and we would play dress up? We always wanted to be older. We envisioned ourselves as these cool adults who knew exactly what to do and say. If little Kim saw me now......would she approve of how I was living my life? Would she be happy that she grew up to be me?

This is my favorite portrait by Sally Mann. It reminds me of little kim and how every now and then its ok to return to my childhood and just dream.

-Kim